Duct Tape Marketing Blog Channel Members

Ivan K. Misner, Ph.D. and Patrick Carney


  • Ivan Misner

    Ivan R. Misner Ph.D.

    Patrick Carney

    Patrick Carney


    Ivan R. Misner, Ph.D.
    BNI
    545 College Commerce Way
    Upland, CA 91786
    bni@bni.com
    800-825-8286

    Dr. Ivan Misner is the Founder & Chairman of BNI or Business Network Int’l. BNI was founded in 1985. The organization now has over thousands of chapters throughout every populated continent of the world. Each year, BNI generates millions of referrals resulting in billions dollars worth of business for its members.

    Dr. Misner’s Ph.D. is from the University of Southern California. He has written eight books, including his New York Times bestseller; Masters of Networking and his #1 bestseller; Masters of Success. He is a monthly columnist for Entrepreneur.com and is Chairman of the Board for the Referral Institute – a referral training company with trainers around the world. He has taught business and social capital courses at several universities and sits on the Board of Directors for the Colorado School of Professional Psychology.

    Patrick Carney
    Referral Institute-San Diego
    1611-A S. Melrose Dr, Ste 108
    Vista, CA 92081
    760-727-4529
    www.referralinstitute-sandiego.com 

    Patrick Carney is a professional artist, networker, speaker and referral training consultant. He owns the Referral Institute - San Diego. In each of these roles, his focus is showing business professionals how to harness the power of referral marketing to drive healthy business growth.

    Patrick believes his success lies in his ability to merge the strategic with the tactical, to understand the market and the competition, and to build a strong management team. No one function can be accountable for performance. It is the interconnection of everything and the combined strength of the management team.

Subscribe to Referrals for Life


  • Subscribe in NewsGator Online

    Subscribe in Rojo

    Add to Google

    Subscribe in Bloglines

Recent Posts

January 17, 2008

Precession in Referral Marketing

Buckminster Fuller tells us that Precession is "the effect of bodies in motion on other bodies in motion." When you get into motion with your referral partners, who are also in motion, focus on adding value, or as we call it “Givers Gain,” you’ll be doing more with less, you will be using new systems and achieving synergy throughout your Contact Sphere. Then watch the referrals come rushing in!

I studied this theory in a program I attended called “Money & You” which was originally written by Marshall Thurber and Bobbie DePorter based on the teaching of Buckminster Fuller.  You can check the program out at:  www.excellerated.com

To understand Precession I think I need to give you a number of examples that Buckminster Fuller wrote about in his exceptional book “Critical Path.” Bucky, as his friends called him asked the question “What happens when you drop a stone into water?”  Ripples go out at a 90 degree angle.  What he is saying is that there is a side effect to the original event and in the case of a synomy the side effect can be very large.

Another of his examples is the purpose of the honey bee.  When the honey bee gets up in the morning it must leave the nest to collect nectar to make honey. That’s the honey bee’s goal. But is that the true purpose of the honey bee.  No!  The true purpose of the honey bee actually is to pollinate plants, yes to keep life as we know it on earth moving forward.

 

Precession happens at a 90 degree angle to the direction of motion.  Bucky tells us this is a side effect.  So in the case of the honey bee, the side effect is the pollination of plants and flowers, and the continuation of life on earth.  As this was related to us at “Money and You” it is quite possible that pollinating plants is the bee’s true purpose.  Bucky ask us, if the honey bee has a true purpose, wouldn’t it be true that we have a true purpose?

Referral marketers are meant to be in motion.  Using our GAINS profiles, the VCP process and our tracking systems will keep us continually in motion. Precession in word-of-mouth marketing is the effect of you being in motion will have on your referral partners when they are in motion.

 

What would happen to your business if you stop being in motion.  There is no precession, no 90 degree effect, and no referrals.  Buckminster Fuller’s training lets us know that it in not the Goals we set, but the 90 degree effect that is our true purpose. One of the distinctions that we need to understand, we won’t know what that effect is while we are in motion, it can only be reported to us by an observer.

“The big lesson then, is called precession. The 90 degree resultants of the interaction of forces in universe teach humanity that what it thought were the side effects are the main effects, and vice versa." –Buckminster Fuller

January 07, 2008

How Many Referrals Should I Expect from Networking?

The number of referrals you should expect to receive is dependant on the type of business you're in and the effort you exert to develop your network. Some professions receive more referrals than others. For example, a florist is going to get many more than a real estate agent. However, the florist will have to sell a lot of flowers to make up for one real estate sale. Hence, the type of profession can somewhat determine a range in the quantity of referrals. Having said that, the actual number that someone in a specific profession can get varies dramatically depending on their efforts to develop those referrals and the relationships they have fostered.

This variation depends on how they "work" their networks. You remember the old computer adage "garbage in, garbage out"? It means that if you put bad information into the system, you're going to get bad information out of the system. Well, one's networking efforts fall into the same vain. The results you can expect to get out of your efforts will be based on the quality of people you put into it.

Dr Ivan Misner recently conducted an Internet survey of business professionals in which he asked, "What percentage of your business comes from word-of-mouth or referrals?" Even he was surprised by the results. More than two-thirds of the respondents said they received 70 percent or more of their business from word-of-mouth. Only 14 percent said that referrals accounted for less than 30 percent of their business, and only 2 percent said they got no business from word-of-mouth! Clearly, word-of-mouth and referrals are critical to the success of many businesses today. The question is, how do you increase it?

First, consider professions that are part of your contact sphere. These are businesses that have a symbiotic relationship to yours. Contact spheres are the building blocks of your referral business because they help to build a solid base of repetitive referrals for you. Contact the Referral Institute for a more thorough explanation.

Next, you should diversify your networks. That is, you should participate in different kinds of networking groups so that you may have a diverse cross section of businesses and professionals as part of your center of influence.

It's important for you to understand that you must first build the foundation I speak of above before you can have high expectations for developing referrals. Based on research that Dr Misner conducted at the University of Southern California a number of years ago, he found that the average participant in a strong contact network or a business development network (groups that meet weekly and allow only one person per profession, and whose primary purpose is to pass business referrals) generated, on average, 4.2 referrals per member, per month, or roughly 50 referrals per person, per year.

Please note that there are many intervening variables to this number. In Dr Misner’s study, these variables included such things as length of membership, the profession they represented, the years of experience, the level of participation and more. One thing that didn't seem to make a difference was gender. Both men and women generated substantially similar numbers of referrals throughout their participation.

To summarize, the number of referrals you can expect will vary depending on your profession and your efforts in the networking process. However, on average, we've found that many businesspeople can generate more than 50 referrals per year via their participation in a single networking organization. What makes this number truly significant is that most people would agree that a referred contact is much easier to close into business than other types of contacts. I believe this is the reason that so many businesses say they generate most of their business through referrals and word-of-mouth.

January 02, 2008

Happy New Year

Happy New Year to all of you! Our best wishes go out for a phenomenal 2008. Ivan and I and the rest of the Referral Institute team are excited to help you reach your referral goals this year.

Things are in high gear here at both the Referral Institute and at BNI headquarters.

We're scrambling with new Referrals for Life community members, new accountability teams, new mastermind team assignments, training seminars are being scheduled and all the other business of starting a new year.

We have some exciting things in store for you this year. With this

being our second year writing the referral blog for Duct Tape Marketing, we've learned a lot. We've made changes and added--and are adding--so much more to the referral training program.  Both Ivan and I look forward to serving you in 2008.

December 10, 2007

Educate Your Referral Partners - Don't Sell Them

When entrepreneurs try to develop a qualified, consistent and dynamic circle of networking partners who are going to provide them with referrals for new business, their tendency is often to "sell" those individuals on their product. It's as if by showing them all the finer points of what's available, convincing them to try their product and closing the sale with their networking partners, they'll somehow realize an influx of referrals.

Dr Ivan Misner says: “I don't disagree that in order for the members of your networking group to refer you effectively they must be familiar with what you have to offer; however, it's important to resist your urge to sell to group members.” What does he mean by that?

Educating your networking group's members about the type of referrals you want--specifically, where applicable, even the names of the individuals with whom you want to meet and develop relationships--is much more important to the success of your networking in a closed contact network than selling to other members. This demands a shift in how you see your networking partners. They're not the clients; they are, in effect, your sales force. And for your sales force to sell you effectively, they have to know who to sell you to and how to sell you.

Below are Dr Misner’s four tips for incorporating this educational style into your networking meetings:

1. Teach your network members what your "dream referral" looks like. If you could go to your next networking meeting with a walking, talking dream referral in tow, what would he or she be like? Describe this person in detail to your networking partners. The more details you can provide, the greater the chance that your partners will recognize that person when they come across him or her outside the meeting.

2. Share customer profiles and case studies of current customers. This is a highly effective way to educate your networking partners about what it is you're looking for in a new client. By sharing the qualities of your current clientele, you're illuminating the canvas for the rest of the group so they can see the picture you're painting for them. When appropriate, consider bringing in a customer or client to talk about how you've helped him or her. These kinds of interactions go a long way toward educating the group as to the type of person you wish to have referred to you.

3. Break your business down into its lowest common denominators. It’s very tempting to start your personal introduction with a statement like: "We're a full-service XYZ." Resist this urge! When you have 52 opportunities over the course of a year to talk about your products and services, don't waste the opportunity to highlight one aspect of your business by painting with the full-service brush. Get detailed! Educate your networking partners week by week about the specific things you provide. Bring support material to provide a visual. Do demonstrations, when possible.

November 25, 2007

In Networking, Character is Much Easier Kept Than Recovered

There is a quote by Abigail van Buren that I love, it goes something like this:  “The best index to a person’s character is how they treat people who can’t do them any good, and how they treat people who can’t fight back.”

I believe that good character is more to be praised than outstanding talent.  Recently I attended the Vista California Chamber of Commerce Business Expo with five of my students to learn how to work a networking event, along with 1,500 other professionals visiting the 150 professionals who were displaying their companies in the expo exhibit area.

As we approached one of the booths, a well known Real Estate Investing Educational company we noticed a woman in a deep discussion with the individual tending the booth.  The woman was having a hard time understanding why a professional would want to attend a University to learn how to become truly financially independent through proper education.

The gentleman tending the booth answered by saying that she could learn what the wealthy have known for years.  He stated that only his company offers the total solution to lead her to wealth in real estate.  He continued by saying that she could learn about multiple streams of income and become part of a community of like-mined investors that support each other.

This woman continued to ask questions, the more questions she asked the more frustrated the man in the booth became, and with each answer his voice rose.  Within minutes he was almost yelling and was treating this woman with contempt.  The woman eyes tiered up and she finally moved away toward the next booth.

As she struck up a conversation with the attendant in the next booth, she related what a horrible experience she had in the last booth.  As I followed this woman from booth to booth she continued to relate what a horrible time she had while stopping to talk with the man in the Real Estate Investing booth.  Since there was only one such booth, everyone knew who she was talking about, especially my students who really learned a phenomenal lesson about how fast bad news can travel throughout an event when you don’t treat people by the golden rule of networking.  Treat others how they want to be treated, not how you want to be treated.

The gentleman had become what we call a scorched earth networker, killing a relationship before there was a relationship and creating an atmosphere where he was going to loose more than he gained at this event.

Here is a simple tip for referral opportunities:  “It is far better to have character that to be one.”

November 13, 2007

Networking From a Homebased Business

My blog co-author Dr Ivan Misner is often asked these days about how to network and build a referral business as a homebased business owner.  He ran two homebased businesses for many years. During the eight years he worked from home, he learned a great deal about the pros and cons of working from home and how it related to my networking efforts.

Dr Misner stated “Working from home has its own unique rewards and challenges. And although most of the networking techniques that work for any business work for most homebased businesses, there are at least two important issues that I think apply to a homebased business more than any other.”

The first relates to introducing yourself to others in networking environments. One important thing he learned while being a homebased business owner related to how he promoted himself at networking groups or when meeting people one on one.

My opinion in this area rubs some homebased business owners the wrong way, but I feel strongly about it: When networking, Ivan doesn't recommend you share that you run a homebased business. He believes this characteristic is what he call a "neutral/negative" feature of your business. That is, telling people you meet in networking environments that you "work from home" has either a neutral or a negative impact because it either doesn't matter to them, or they're not impressed that you operate your business out of your house.

When Dr. Misner worked from home, he rarely, if ever, met anyone who said, "Oh, fantastic, you work from home--I must do business with you!" Working from home was just not something that Dr. Misner found made people "want" to do business with him; therefore, why should it be emphasized when meeting people through networking?

I open with this issue because it's something that I see done to this day. Often, when I attend a networking function, I see someone stand, say what they do, how people can refer them and then add at the end that he or she runs a homebased business. I believe that bit of information will generally have no impact or a negative impact on what people think of your potential abilities--it almost never has a positive impact on people wanting to do business with you. (Please note that Dr Misner never hid that his business was homebased. He simply didn't bring it up until after he had a business relationship with the individual.)

The second issue relating to networking that I think is more important for homebased business owners than the average business owner is that it's important to break out of what Dr. Misner calls Cave-Dweller Syndrome.

He finds that many homebased business owners seriously suffer from Cave-Dweller Syndrome. Here is how the non-homebased business owner suffers from this syndrome:

He gets up each morning in a large cave with a big-screen TV--his home. He goes out to his garage and gets into a little cave with four wheels--his car. He goes to another really big cave with plenty of computers--his office. At the end of the day, he gets back into his little cave with four wheels and drives back to the large cave with the big-screen TV and can't figure out why no one is referring him.

For homebased business owners, it's far worse because they don't even leave their large cave with the big screen TV to go to the cave with the computers. They're one and the same!

And it's even harder for those working from home to get out of their caves. So for you homebased business owners who want to build your business through word of mouth, you have to be visible and active in the community by participating in various networking groups and/or professional associations. It's critical for you to join organized networking groups and professional associations that will get you out of your cave. These kinds of groups include: Casual Contact Networks (like your local chamber of commerce), Business Development Networks (BNI), professional organizations (almost all professions have one), and service clubs (like the Rotary or Lions Clubs).

Look for other ways to be very visible in your circle of influence. For example, be active in your child's school PTA or your church. Keep your eye open for opportunities to be involved in groups of people who come together for a common cause.

These opportunities will afford you the chance to build relationships, and that's what social capital is all about. Visibility leads to credibility which, in turn, leads to profitability.

The bottom line is, networking doesn't change too much whether your business is based from home or a corporate location. But there are a few key points to remember that are specific to working from home. The dynamics of developing a strong word-of-mouth-based business transcend your business location. The caveat for the homebased business owner is that you'll have to be even more diligent and focused about finding those networking opportunities.

November 04, 2007

Thinking the Right Way

We know it’s important to know the right things to do while networking, it’s equally important to start thinking the right way to make your networking efforts as successful and dynamic as they can be. This involves altering your mind-set. Here is an up-close look at some elements you’ll want to include in your mind-set to ensure networking success:

  1. The law of reciprocity or “givers gain” approach.

Don’t approach networking thinking “I did this for you, now what are you going to do for me?” Instead, remember the old adage “Give and you shall receive.” The law of reciprocity takes the focus off of what you stand to gain from the networking relationship, and in doing so, creates bonds based on trust and friendship. Put it to the test. You’ll be amazed by the outcome.

  1. Diversity in networking.

Look for groups that don’t target people just like you. In this way, you’ll broaden the net you seek to cast for referrals.  There are many associations, chambers, social and strong networking organizations to interview before joining.

  1. Farming mentality.

It’s a long, drawn-out process to go from seeding a field to harvesting the crops and there’s no quick return. But, when you spend time and take care in building relationships, your networking will yield extraordinary results.  Getting referrals by design, rather than by chance can take you to the next level.

Approaching networking with a mentality that focuses on the process of cultivating referrals will create the results you desire. Make an effort to spend more time strengthening your friendships with those whom you wish to have as part of your networking circle and you will certainly make more and better connections.

October 29, 2007

Shape up Your Business

7 exercises to help you maintain networking momentum

The world seems to be in the middle of a fitness craze! To capitalize on the fitness theme, this month's article will focus on what you can do to exercise your networking skills. My Co-author Dr Ivan Misner has put together a series of exercises you can consider to be networking aerobics. Diligent practice of these exercises will pay off in a healthy networking ability and improved contacts that will lead to contracts.

1. Leg lifts: Rise from the chair, couch, recliner or car seat where you usually sit and get to a networking event. As we develop technology more and more as a business tool, it might be tempting to indulge in "cocooning" and get roped into staying in your business locale. This isn't the best way to expand your business, much less develop a healthy word-of-mouth base. But if you're reading this article, you already know that and are looking for more.

2. Arm extensions: Extend your right hand from the shoulder to reach for the hand of any new contacts you meet. Shaking hands is an important part of making a new contact. Not extending the hand of friendship can be perceived negatively. It sets you apart as being aloof and cold. There are all kinds of things that have been written about the right way to shake the hand of a new contact: the two-handed shake, the elbow hold and so on. Just be courteous and warm, and I'm sure however you shake hands you'll make a good impression, as long as you aren't the dead-fish-shaker type!

3. Jaw flex (to follow immediately after arm extensions): Let the new contacts know succinctly who you are and what you do. Make sure to be specific and provide a benefit statement about your services. Don't forget that a good networker has two ears and one mouth and should use both of them proportionately-so give the jaw a little break.

4. The splits: Now that you're getting warmed up, move into the splits. As you see groups of two or three, notice if they are "open" twos and threes or "closed" twos and threes. The open twos and threes will have a gap between the individuals, almost inviting another person to join with them. The closed twos and threes will be completely self-absorbed and wouldn't be the first place to start practicing the splits. If you feel uncomfortable doing the splits on your own, ask the person hosting the event, or perhaps the individual who invited you to attend, to come around with you and introduce you to clusters of people.

5. Drop and carry: Ask for your new contacts' business cards. Drop them into your left pocket and carry them back to your office. I usually carry my own business cards in my right pocket and use the left pocket to carry the new contacts' cards. This habit can spare you the embarrassment of reaching into your pocket for your card and coming up with someone else's card!

Prior to dropping the contacts' cards in your pockets, jot a note of some kind on the back of their cards. You might make a note that will help jog your memory about them, or you might realize you have an article in your files or a contact to send their way. It's important that the new contacts see you making a note on their cards. This sends the message that you're planning to keep their information and refer back to it later.

When exchanging cards with someone, I always like to write something on the front of my own card before handing it to them-perhaps my cell phone number or something else to personalize the card. Research on retention of business cards has shown that people are less likely to throw away a card that has personal information handwritten on the front. I always give a couple of my cards to each contact, requesting that if he or she knows anyone who might be able to use my products, to please pass on the extra card.

6. Arm curls: Reach down to the telephone receiver, lift it off the cradle and curl it toward your head as you bring it to your ear. Follow up your networking event with personal contact. For the purpose of networking aerobics, we've used the example of the phone. You might wish to follow up via e-mail or by sending note cards-just do something to put you back in the new contacts' minds.

7. Cool down: Everyone knows that to avoid injury after working out, you need to cool down and gently let your heart return to its resting rate. After attending a networking event, you need to do a cool-down exercise as well. We recommend recording the event's contacts in a journal format or utilizing an event form, such as the one in Business by Referral, a book that Dr Misner co-authored with Robert Davis.

There are also computer programs you can purchase which will allow you to record the results of the networking event. Referring back to the documentation from the exercises you did at the event will help you cultivate the contacts into a bumper crop of referral business.

As you attend various networking events to promote your businesses, keep these exercises in mind and remember: no pain, no gain! You've got to put yourself out there in order to develop a word-of-mouth-based business.

October 10, 2007

Referral Myths in Everyday Life

My co-author Dr Ivan Misner released a book last year written with two business associates, Mike Macedonio and Mike Garrison of the Referral Institute. In the process of working on their book, the thought came up that many entrepreneurs have perceptions about referral marketing that aren't based on reality. In fact, they're delusions.

With that in mind, I'd like to share with you some of these referral "truth or delusions" that are found in the book.  See if you can tell the truth from the fiction.

Is this a Truth or Delusion? If you provide good customer service, people will refer business to you.

This one's a delusion. Many, many entrepreneurs think that good customer service is the number-one way to cultivate word-of-mouth marketing and referrals. But it's not! It's a good policy and one that's vital to the health of your business, but it's not at the core of building a referral-based business.

People have come to expect good customer service. In fact, they demand it in today's marketplace. When considering customer service and its role in the referral process, it unfortunately works much more effectively in reverse: People are more likely to talk about your business when they're unhappy with you than when they're happy with your service.

So if you want to build your referrals, you must actively cultivate your referral sources and not rely on good customer service alone.

Is this a Truth or Delusion? For maximum referral impact, you should cultivate relationships primarily with the movers and shakers in your community.

This one's also a delusion. The common perception is to look for influential individuals who will hopefully be able to provide large referrals for your business that will result in big sales.

Dr. Misner relates a very interesting story that really brings this point home. A few years back, he was chatting with a local business owner he knew about the impact that all types of people can have on our referral business. The man owned a window covering business. During the conversation, he proceeded to tell Dr. Misner about a referral he got from a rather unassuming man he knew. It seems that this man's friend, an elderly woman living nearby, had one small window on a back door that needed a roll-up screen and he could find no other window covering business that would be interested in coming out to her house to measure and quote her on such a small job.

The friend continued this story by recounting how he willingly agreed to take care of the job, much to the man's relief. About two weeks later, a large, black stretch limo pulled up in front of his store. A very well-dressed man in a custom-tailored suit and fine Italian leather dress shoes stepped out and came into his store. It was this little old lady's son! He had been very impressed with the work done at his mother's house and wanted to do business with my friend. He had just purchased a 6,000-square-foot house in Malibu and wanted Dr. Misner’s friend to handle all the window coverings on an unlimited budget (visualize with me all the windows in a really large house right on the ocean).

This is a great example of how a seemingly non-influential individual could provide you with a great contact. The point is to stop networking like a big-game hunter and approach networking more like farming. Cultivate all types of relationships with the clear understanding and knowledge that this is how networking works. You never know whom it is who knows just the right person to introduce to your business.

Focus on the quality of the relationships you develop and cultivate those relationships on all levels. The diversity of your contacts is much more important than looking for the "big guys." You'll be amazed how much better this approach works in the long run.

Is this a Truth or Delusion? People who like, care and respect you will refer business to you.

You guessed it: This is absolutely a delusion! How often do you regularly get a referral from your mom? Yet you'd certainly be right to expect a referral relationship from those closest to you, such as friends, family members and other close associates.

The problem is, we don't remember that we need to train the people with whom we have the closest relationships on how to refer business to us. It's true! We need to educate them as well on how to listen for people who might need our products.

Teach those closest to you to listen for the "language of referrals." When people say words like "I want" "I need" "I can't" "I wish" or "I don't know who," whatever they say next could be a referral. When we teach our referral sources how to listen to the language of referrals, then we provide the tools for them to refer business to us.

Is this a Truth or Delusion? It's best to limit the number of networking groups you belong to.

Truth! Networking is more about farming than it is about hunting. This means you need time to cultivate the contacts you make. In a recent survey of almost 1,800 businesspeople Dr. Misner’s company did, almost 32 percent of respondents attended eight or more networking events a month. One-third of that group attended between 12 and 20 networking events a month!

Building your business through word of mouth is not a contest to see who can attend the most meetings. It's about building the best relationships! Therefore, you must be selective about your efforts and focus not only on attending meetings but also on building bonds with the people you meet at those meetings. Unfortunately, it's all too common for businesspeople to focus on breadth--not depth--in their networking.

Is this a Truth or Delusion? The best way to ensure referral success is to follow the Golden Rule: Treat your referral sources the way you would want to be treated.

Unfortunately, again, this is a delusion. While this may seem like a "trick question," it's not. All too often we deal with our referral sources the way we'd want to be treated. If we want to strike a chord with them, however, we need to keep in mind that it's important to remember what they want and need. The referral process is more emotional than it is factual. It's crucial that you find out what's important to the referral source in order to maintain and develop the relationship.

Is this a Truth or Delusion? Referral marketing is the safest form of advertising. This one's definitely a delusion! When you give a referral, you give a little of your reputation away. If the business you've referred someone to does a good job, it helps your reputation. But if they do a poor job, your reputation may be hurt.

The payoffs of referral marketing are immense--when done right! But it involves a really big risk: giving away a piece of your reputation every time you give a referral to someone. When you tell a valued customer that a friend of yours is going to take good care of them, you must have confidence in that friend.

But what happens if your friend lets your customer down? It comes back to haunt you. Your customer begins to lose faith in you, and because of that loss of faith, you just might lose that customer down the road. This is why it's so important to develop strong relationships with those to whom you're referring business and vice versa. Once those strong connections are forged, you can rest easy, knowing when you tell someone a business associate or networking partner is going to take good care of him or her, that will happen.

These are just a few of the "truth or delusion" you can find in the book. If you can think of others, feel free to email them to me.

September 26, 2007

Uncomfortable at Networking Events

I have a lot of trouble feeling comfortable enough to introduce myself to total strangers, but I know this is important in networking. How can I overcome this obstacle?

In her book “Skill for Success: A Guide to the Top for Men and Women, Adele M. Scheele tells about a cocktail party where she met someone who was hesitant to introduce himself to total strangers. Ms. Scheele suggested that he "consider a different scenario for the evening. That is, consider himself the party's host instead of its guest." She asked him: “What if he was the host? Wouldn't he introduce himself to people he didn't know and then introduce them to each other? Wouldn't he watch for lulls in conversations or bring new people over to an already-formed small group?”

Ms. Scheele's new acquaintance acknowledged the obvious difference between the active role of the host and the passive role of the guest. Ms. Scheele concluded that "there was nothing to stop this man from playing the role of host, even though he wasn't the actual host."

Now I know that sounds easy, but when it comes right down to it, actually acting like the host isn't so simple for many people. Not all individuals are good at "acting" like something they are not. Therefore, I have one important thing to add to this advice: Don't "act" like the host, "be" the host.

Most of the business organizations you go to have a position that is responsible for meeting visitors. And I know it sounds crazy telling someone who is uncomfortable meeting new people at a networking event to be the host. At first, it must sound a little like telling a boxer to "lean into a punch!" But there's a big difference, and it really works.

Most people's fears relating to meeting new people at networking events come from not having a proper context to introduce themselves to others. Just as Ms. Scheele points out, when you are the host, you don't feel uncomfortable introducing yourself to someone you don't know who's at your party. So the key in feeling comfortable is to establish the proper context.

To establish the proper context, I recommend that you volunteer to be an ambassador, or a visitor host, at the networking groups you belong to. An ambassador or visitor host is someone who greets all the visitors and introduces them to others. Over time, this type of position will give you an opportunity to meet many people, put them together with others and become an accomplished gatekeeper. Helping others connect, meet and get what they need will unquestionably help you build your business. Furthermore, it will do it in a way that helps others.

By using this technique, you'll start to develop excellent networking skills and get great exposure to many business professionals in a short time.

A distinguishing characteristic of self-made millionaires is that they network everywhere. Most importantly, they do it all the time--at business conferences, at the health club, on the golf course or with the person sitting next to them on a plane. This fact alone should motivate you to place yourself in situations where you can meet new people and do so in a way that you feel comfortable.

As my co-author Dr Ivan Misner has been quoted:  “It's not called net-sit or net-eat, it's called net-work.” If you want to become a better networker, give this technique a try. You will be pleased with the results.

Things We Like